Taps the mic "Is this thing on? I think it needs new batteries or something. It may just be too outdated, that could be it."
I don't know if anyone actually checks this or reads anything on blogger truly but I decided for myself to return to this space because, well to be honest, I'm in need of a selfish moment or two. I need this space to talk through what is going on and to personally process some events.
One major event, I am currently living in my first full time position. I love where I am at, my job, and the people I get to work with (including the students). I won't sit here and pretend that I don't have my personal frustrations and things that make me angsty because I do. For the most part those things are not as big of a problem after the fact and while I am still passing through some of those things I also know a few things:
1) Students no matter how much I want them to be little angels won't because they are humans too. No matter how frustrating it is when I see them doing, saying, thinking, etc. things that to me seem dumb or potentially disastrous; I have to remember that they are young and do not have the same life experiences as me. I also have to remember that even though they are smoking weed, vomiting, or drawing penises everywhere; they are more often then not great young adults and they deserve to be looked at as such. They may break the rules, and I will document and speak to them about that, but at the end of the day more often then not that was just a stupid mistake.
2) I can not change everything.
3) Sometimes you have to trust the process and sometimes you dive in head first and start kicking cogs out of the way to build something different. I love where I work and I think that there is a reason it is one of the best departments in the nation but I also think it might be time to shake some things up and not rest on the historical fact of being one of the best. Harvard is one of the best schools in the country (and I am not bashing them) but if they continue to rest on the traditions and history then it will be a name with no support. Innovation is scary, change requires blind faith, and new things make me uncomfortable but without any of that we would all still be segregated, closeted, and chained to traditional roles. So somethings are ok staying the same but others need to be changed by bus ride, by a freedom summer, by riots, by protests, by coming, and most importantly by speaking up and pushing back.
4) There will never be enough hours in the day but be careful of trying to make more. Working in Residence Life pretty much means you never truly stop working but at the same time there has to be separation and boundaries made. I may not be able to work a 8-5 or 9-5 or whatever but I am going to try my hardest to limit what I do after 6 because I want to remain healthy and I want to be able to have a life separate from my job (which is hard to do when you live where you work and your office is literally outside your bedroom door).
5) The little things have to and will mean the most. When I sit in my office responding to another student wanting to drop calculus I take a moment to look at the various things around. The natural light filling my space, the pictures of family, the drawing my cousin made for me, reminders of my time at Lynchburg, the people from FIU, and all sorts of notes and affirmations. Even the little fuzzy thing from my Grandma's house that you pet and it squirms has the potential to change my mood for the better if I let it. The student who walks in because (surprise) they want to drop calculus, walks out feeling better about that decision and confident that they just might make it through or that they have a plan that makes them feel better, that is a little thing worth holding on to.
6) Did I mention there are never enough hours in the day?
7) Eating alone is completely fine and so is going to Walmart just to walk around.
8) If revenge is a dish best served cold (it is a terrible tasting dish no matter the temperature or your position in the plan, I don't order it for anyone personally) then appreciation is a dish best served warm and often. The more I begin to understand the culture of where I am at the more I notice how fortunate I was to have been at Lynchburg College for undergrad. I learned the necessity and importance of being appreciative to everyone. With the things I have seen and the things that have been occurring I personally want to show appreciation to those that are dealing with the not so spectacular decisions that students sometimes make. Cleaning up vomit, food, or poop in trashcans is never something people get excited about doing but there are people who are so dedicated to making sure the environment that students (and myself) live in is healthy, safe, and comfortable that they do clean up those things and often with very little complaint. People thank me when they leave my office (as long as it isn't for negative things or after I tell them that there is no such thing as an easy class that meets any of your core class requirements or major requirements or that there is no way you will do all of that in 4 years or even 5 years) but rarely do I see people thanking the house keeping staff as they pass them vacuuming, mopping, or after they finish cleaning the bathroom. My job in comparison is a cake walk.
9) The real world is actually not as scary as I thought. While I am still slowly taking on more responsibility and moving more into a sphere on my own (Bridget will be in that sphere soon) I am not as overwhelmed as I thought I would be. This has a great deal to do with my parents being there to talk me through things and to make me feel reassured but also because I realize that everything I have been through and done has given me the tools I need to handle most anything thrown my way. Angry parents were one of my biggest fears but 90% of what they need from me is to just listen to them because they are more scared than their kids are for them to be going to college. Listening seems to be a majority of the solution to all problems that I have encountered.
10) Listening both with your ears and with your eyes (yes I do mean your eyes) can lead you through anything.
I can honestly say that despite everything negative that has happened I feel that I am right where I am supposed to be and that I feel is something very hard to come by. So I guess my real take aways when looking back at what I wrote are to listen, appreciate, balance, enjoy the little things, see the bad as temporary, and don't look at the world as if the sky is falling.
