Return to a much neglected space

Taps the mic "Is this thing on? I think it needs new batteries or something. It may just be too outdated, that could be it."

I don't know if anyone actually checks this or reads anything on blogger truly but I decided for myself to return to this space because, well to be honest, I'm in need of a selfish moment or two. I need this space to talk through what is going on and to personally process some events.

One major event, I am currently living in my first full time position. I love where I am at, my job, and the people I get to work with (including the students). I won't sit here and pretend that I don't have my personal frustrations and things that make me angsty because I do. For the most part those things are not as big of a problem after the fact and while I am still passing through some of those things I also know a few things:

1) Students no matter how much I want them to be little angels won't because they are humans too. No matter how frustrating it is when I see them doing, saying, thinking, etc. things that to me seem dumb or potentially disastrous; I have to remember that they are young and do not have the same life experiences as me. I also have to remember that even though they are smoking weed, vomiting, or drawing penises everywhere; they are more often then not great young adults and they deserve to be looked at as such. They may break the rules, and I will document and speak to them about that, but at the end of the day more often then not that was just a stupid mistake.

2) I can not change everything.

3) Sometimes you have to trust the process and sometimes you dive in head first and start kicking cogs out of the way to build something different. I love where I work and I think that there is a reason it is one of the best departments in the nation but I also think it might be time to shake some things up and not rest on the historical fact of being one of the best. Harvard is one of the best schools in the country (and I am not bashing them) but if they continue to rest on the traditions and history then it will be a name with no support. Innovation is scary, change requires blind faith, and new things make me uncomfortable but without any of that we would all still be segregated, closeted, and chained to traditional roles. So somethings are ok staying the same but others need to be changed by bus ride, by a freedom summer, by riots, by protests, by coming, and most importantly by speaking up and pushing back.

4) There will never be enough hours in the day but be careful of trying to make more. Working in Residence Life pretty much means you never truly stop working but at the same time there has to be separation and boundaries made. I may not be able to work a 8-5 or 9-5 or whatever but I am going to try my hardest to limit what I do after 6 because I want to remain healthy and I want to be able to have a life separate from my job (which is hard to do when you live where you work and your office is literally outside your bedroom door).

5) The little things have to and will mean the most. When I sit in my office responding to another student wanting to drop calculus I take a moment to look at the various things around. The natural light filling my space, the pictures of family, the drawing my cousin made for me, reminders of my time at Lynchburg, the people from FIU, and all sorts of notes and affirmations. Even the little fuzzy thing from my Grandma's house that you pet and it squirms has the potential to change my mood for the better if I let it. The student who walks in because (surprise) they want to drop calculus, walks out feeling better about that decision and confident that they just might make it through or that they have a plan that makes them feel better, that is a little thing worth holding on to.

6) Did I mention there are never enough hours in the day?

7) Eating alone is completely fine and so is going to Walmart just to walk around.

8) If revenge is a dish best served cold (it is a terrible tasting dish no matter the temperature or your position in the plan, I don't order it for anyone personally) then appreciation is a dish best served warm and often. The more I begin to understand the culture of where I am at the more I notice how fortunate I was to have been at Lynchburg College for undergrad. I learned the necessity and importance of being appreciative to everyone. With the things I have seen and the things that have been occurring I personally want to show appreciation to those that are dealing with the not so spectacular decisions that students sometimes make. Cleaning up vomit, food, or poop in trashcans is never something people get excited about doing but there are people who are so dedicated to making sure the environment that students (and myself) live in is healthy, safe, and comfortable that they do clean up those things and often with very little complaint. People thank me when they leave my office (as long as it isn't for negative things or after I tell them that there is no such thing as an easy class that meets any of your core class requirements or major requirements or that there is no way you will do all of that in 4 years or even 5 years) but rarely do I see people thanking the house keeping staff as they pass them vacuuming, mopping, or after they finish cleaning the bathroom. My job in comparison is a cake walk.

9) The real world is actually not as scary as I thought. While I am still slowly taking on more responsibility and moving more into a sphere on my own (Bridget will be in that sphere soon) I am not as overwhelmed as I thought I would be. This has a great deal to do with my parents being there to talk me through things and to make me feel reassured but also because I realize that everything I have been through and done has given me the tools I need to handle most anything thrown my way. Angry parents were one of my biggest fears but 90% of what they need from me is to just listen to them because they are more scared than their kids are for them to be going to college. Listening seems to be a majority of the solution to all problems that I have encountered.

10) Listening both with your ears and with your eyes (yes I do mean your eyes) can lead you through anything.

I can honestly say that despite everything negative that has happened I feel that I am right where I am supposed to be and that I feel is something very hard to come by. So I guess my real take aways when looking back at what I wrote are to listen, appreciate, balance, enjoy the little things, see the bad as temporary, and don't look at the world as if the sky is falling.

Is Blogging the Next New Nightly News

I have recently been reading the book Feed by Mira Grant and it has really got me thinking about media. The story is all about zombies, politics, and media. I have not finished it yet but the main premise of the story is that the news sources that we currently value failed the world during the outbreak of Kellis-Amberlee turning people into zombies. While everything was in the early stages and more or less just small pockets of outbreaks the media was either too biased or too tightly censored to give people the information they really needed. News stations and newspapers were limited in what they could or wanted to say but the blogging community was there ready to provide the world with the real story. The narrator does mention that there is still the need to sift through the information that is not truthful or relevant but that blogs were where the news was. The narrator and her blogging team are hired to follow the political campaign of a senator running to get the republican presidential ticket. He is actually the first politician to ask for bloggers to be a part of his press team and not because it is popular but because he knows that this young lady and her team are known for being honest about what they do and see. It is no surprise that even in this imaginary future politicians and those that are a little older do not believe that bloggers are legitimate. However, they mostly don't like the fact that bloggers can not easily be censored. I just liked how this story shows the bias inherently engrained in our "unbiased" news sources and just how much control there is over what can be released.

It makes me wonder if one day my blog will be seen as a place to go for information, entertainment, or just to watch me poke semi-dead things with sticks and then run like hell.

The Hypersexualization of Our World

I was first introduced to the concept of hypersexualization during my psychology of gender class back at Lynchburg College. The class impacted my life in a number of ways mostly in how I saw the world. This class was also the class in which I came to terms with the fact that I cannot hide the fact that I am a transgender man any longer. But back to the point, in this class we talked about the hypersexualization of children specifically.

For those unfamiliar with the concept, hypersexualization is where we attribute and force sexualized ideas onto things. Such as saying a male and female toddler that play well together are boyfriend/girlfriend. This also can be seen in children that participate in pageants such as those that the young girls on "Toddlers in Tiaras." They think that they have to be sexy or fit the stereotype of the ideal woman at the age of 4. They get fake tans, wear sometimes overly revealing outfits, etc. This is also seen in the dances and music kids listen to, like the booty popping that a young girls dance group of 7 year olds did to single ladies (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ir8BO4-7DkM). The girls are talented but that dancing is rather sexual for their age. This can also be seen when we look to studies done on middle school kids that report having at least oral sex at a higher rate then the past. There are plenty of stories out there about groups of middle school aged kids out at restaurants or the movies that play the game stone face (look it up but I warn you it isn't very pretty).

Hypersexualization is not limited just to our children but it is enmeshed throughout the way we view things. One such example is the argument on transgender people and restroom use. Warning I am mildly biased in this argument (if you couldn't guess already). However, I see it this way: I am in there to use the restroom, relieve natural bodily functions. At no point are my genitalia exposed to anyone but myself. If you happen to see what's in my pants then we have a greater issue of "why the heck are you in my stall?!?" Now for the most part no one every questions FTM (female to male) using the men's room, often because we easily go unnoticed and the culture of the men's room lends itself to not look into small detail too much. Today though, I came across an article discussing the way a Fox news reported for some radio show handled the story of a MTF (male to female) that had used the women's restroom at a restaurant in TN. Some other woman happened to also use the restroom at the same time and upon seeing a "burly man in a dress" she complained to her husband and they complained to the owners (who bless their hearts sided with the trans woman). Well this Fox news guy, Todd Starnes, caught wind of it and interviewed the man and woman. Not only did the couple have hateful and derogatory things to say (such as burly man in a dress as well as calling the woman a cross-dresser and saying her using the women's restroom was a safety hazard) but the reporter went right along with the hate speech. One major argument used by the husband, as well as some people who commented on the article, was that trans people in the bathroom are a hazard to the children and women. Also in the comments people kept equating being a trans woman in the women's room meant that they wanted to go in there and take pictures of the women. Why does every encounter between biological men and women have to have some sort of sexual motivation? These same people would be in outrage over seeing someone like me walking out of the women's room too but according to their logic because I don't have a penis I have to use the women's restroom but because I look male (because I am) then using the women's room means that I am going in there to rape their women and children and take inappropriate pictures. It is really sad when sexuality and gender are confused and even more sad when something like using the bathroom becomes an overtly sexualized act (for some it is but that has nothing to do with being trans, that falls into a whole different ballpark of sexuality). Honestly just because you are only concerned with what is in your pants doesn't mean the rest of the world is the same. Most trans women that I know are attracted to MEN, meaning they are not interesting in your boys, girls, or women. Just like I'm not interested in men, boys, or girls. If you see me looking at you in the bathroom it might be because I am pitying you because your penis is significantly smaller than mine but lets be honest I don't look at penises (just not my thing).

Not everything needs to be sexual. Why can't we just let our kids have friends? Why do they need to mimic our sexualied dancing and actions and dress? Why can't people just use the bathroom? Why the heck are you in my stall? Why are you so concerned about what is in my pants? My sexuality is between me and my fiancee (who loves me as a man and happens to like that fact that I am a man who doesn't center my manhood around my penis or it's size). So if you are really that concerned about encountering a trans person in the bathroom then just don't use the public restrooms, that is your choice but telling trans people that they cannot use the public restroom in which they identify and are safest is unconstitutional and discriminating. Oh and just so you know if you are concerned about a trans person assaulting your child in the restroom you should do some research because statistically a family member and white men that identify as straight are most likely to be pedophiles but lets not cloud our opinion with facts or anything. Anyways stop turning everything into sexually motivated, get out of my stall, and do your research because as G.I. Joe said, "Now you know and knowing is half the battle." Oh and that old gem of knowledge being power.

Sidenote: A number of the arguments used are invalid and flawed arguments in nature. I feel that before some people try and argue they might want to study some of the falicies in argument. Might also help to know something about the topic you are arguing too. Oh and saying transgender is unnatural, there are a number of animal species that natural changes sexes (such as: flatworms, clownfish, gobys, bees, slugs, parrotfish, etc.).

Notebooks to the Past

I randomly find notebooks that I have used for various things, like classes or work or just for passing notes between friends. It never ceases to drop me into a nostalgic place when I get the chance to look back and read things from my past. I came across a little jotter pad from RA training a few years ago that I had used to have a conversation unheard between myself and another RA. Almost instantly I was sent back to the moment passing the little notepad back and forth, to the evening we had sat and talked on my futon while she vented her frustrations with her girlfriend of the time. It was nice to visit those moments because they reminded me of where I have come from, my journey to where I am now. I enjoy getting those moments from time to time, even if they were bad moments they still make me smile. There is a downside to these moments though, when you seek them out and intentionally try and live in them. Living in those past moments leaves little time to keep moving forward and creating new and even more exciting moments to stumble across. The best part of just happening across those things is that it just happens, its a surprise. I'm sure one day I will just happen across the letter that my fiancee wrote to me and when I do I will be transported back to the day that I opened it, to the moment I read it, and maybe even to that first smile she gifted me with or the many nights spent on skype together. If I had continued to seek out the past moments from before I would never have these new moments to look back on with her and if I get stuck in these moments being created now then I will miss out on creating new moments with her and any future children we have.

All I ever need in life I learned from zombie culture

For those who know me well, you know I wrote an obnoxiously long thesis paper title "Apocalypse or War: The History of the Zombie and the Human Response." Some have even said that I am obsessed, I say I got to spend an entire semester watching movies, tv shows, reading books, comics, and articles. To add to the arguement that I am mildly obsessed, I am still reading zombie books and my collection has more then doubled since the end of that particular semester. I actually just started a new zombie series by Mira Grant. Her trilogy looks at the post-rising days through the eyes of three young bloggers. In fact blogging has become the main source of news and entertainment in this world.  I recommend that  if you have a few bucks to at least pick up the first one Feed.

Some key things that I have learned from zombie culture that can be employed in all areas of life are:

Always be prepared but flexible. Being over prepared to the point of rigidity gets you nowhere good and having no preparation leaves you with a lot of holes to try and cover last minute.

Don't be too high and mighty. If you can't function without expensive things then you will not do too well off. Be ready to eat cold canned beans and wear whatever rags that you can find.

Stay in some sort of shape because you never know when you may need to move quickly. This could be running for your life or it could be running to catch your connecting flight.

Sometimes useful things come from areas unexpected, like blogs.

Never stop learning because you never know what skill or information you may need.

Don't be too quick to judge because sometimes even a zombie is more then just that (reference Zom-B and Zom-B: Underground).

Learn that sometimes loving someone or something really does mean that you have to let it go (or kill it yourself). Sometimes in order for those we love to grow and develop we have to let them walk away from us.


There are tons more things that can be taken from zombie culture and thousands of resources, websites, and blogs out there dedicated to just that (so I encourage you to explore those as well). These are just a handful that have been in the back of my mind as I have been reading my books. Oh and don't forget that poking zombies with sticks might be fun and easy with only one but remember that when you poke living(ish) things with sticks, they sometimes get mad.

Close encounter of the middle school kind

Middle school is a point of severe awkwardness for pretty much all parties involved. The awkwardness of body changing, hormones, sexuality, and the defining of cliques. Today I met with a young man at a local middle school because his counselor wanted him to meet someone else like him, someone else transgender. The conversation was kind of awkward but not in a bad way. I ended up sharing a bit of my story and journey so far with him. He asked questions, the counselor asked questions, and I responded. It may seem more like they were interviewing me but there was some mutual sharing going on. Also if you saw the way this young man was soaking up what I was saying you would have been in awe like I am. He took what I said and you could tell that he was genuinely processing the information. I think some of my story helped him understand a bit more and helped him see that no matter how different he seemed or felt, you can still lead a good life full of happiness and love.

This young man also inspires me. To be so brave at 14 to admit to being something so very different from the norm is incredible. I wish I had his courage. He also taught me that even the lows of my story are important because my lows in relation to my highs are what show that good things do happen. I am thankful that I got the opportunity to speak with him. I do hope that I can be as brave as him when I grow up.

Long Distance Relationships

Suck. That is the very first thing that comes to mind when thinking about those three words. I am in one currently but it will only be long distance for another year or so. It is rough but I am in love with her and we are committed to each other.

For those who want to know how to make them work, well I may disappoint you. Long distance relationships are not for everyone or every relationship. It takes patience from both people in the relationship and a commitment to each other. There needs to be trust as well as honesty. My fiancee pretty much knows what I am up to at any given point in my day and not because she asks but because I want her to know and feel comfortable that I am her's. You can have secrets and plans but they cannot be things that you are not willing to share with them at some point (for example when planning a date or a surprise for them for a visit or present). Another key ingredient is communication. The advantage of being in a long distance relationship in this current time is that social media and other advance in the internet make it easy to stay in touch. You do not necessarily need to be in contact with each other as much as my fiancee and I are but talking to each other everyday is important. I would recommend either skyping for a bit everyday or a phone call. There is so much more that can be conveyed by your voice that a text cannot provide. Set aside time once or more a week just for the two of you to have a "date" together. Whenever my fiancee is on her own for dinner I try to be sure that I can be there to skype and have dinner with her. We also watch the same TV show together or play online games together. Do little things to help keep the relationship going. Another aspect of being honest means being honest when something they are doing is making you uncomfortable (I am not the greatest about this). Be sure to have an open conversation about boundaries with each other. When you do get to spend time physically with each other be sure that you have both time alone with each other as well as with others. The alone time is important for the obvious reasons as well as allowing you to just enjoy the closeness of the other person. Being around others as a couple helps foster both independence and interdependence as well as helping to continue to get to know each other better.

Long distance relationships do suck but they have rewards if you stick through them. If the relationship lasts  through the distance then it has grown and become fairly strong. It also makes it easier later on in life if there is a need for one person to be away for any amount of time. The biggest reward in the end is the appreciation that you have gained for the closeness of that other person. Every single touch, kiss, and moment is that much sweeter because of the times you had missed having it.